Losing Weight with Self-Mastery, Part I Insights Jan 2003
When menopause came along and dumped an extra twenty pounds on my already overweight body, I decided it was time to apply my tools and abilities to my own weight. Until that point I'd basically ignored my weight, and I have a rabid aversion to dieting developed during years of watching my mother yo-yo her way through a variety of dress sizes.
My approach to losing weight wasn't typical. I had no interest in changing the patterns of my eating, or in adding more exercise to a basically sedentary life. I went after my issues. As a result, I'm down 36 pounds without any dieting or exercise program. Sound like a miracle? Absolutely not. It was hard work, but it didn't happen anywhere near the refrigerator or the gym.
Over the next few months I'll tell you about my weight loss journey, to give you an idea how the process worked - and is still working - for me.
The first thing I discovered was about comfort. From birth, our first association is food equals comfort. That's pretty natural, since mothers cuddle their infants as they feed them. In my childhood, tears often got treated with tea and cookies. My mother bakes great cookies, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was the association of food and comfort which created a behavior pattern. If I felt stressed, or disappointed, or frustrated, or angry, or sad - pretty much any emotion that wasn't comfortable - how did I comfort myself? Food.
At this point it's easy to think that once I knew this I could change it. That's not trivial, because to change the behaviour you have to teach your body to accept other kinds of comfort in place of food. You need the comfort, so you can't just give it up. It's really important to find other ways to comfort yourself, and to train your body to accept those comforts. I really mean training, in a pavlovian, repetitive way. If you do it over and over again, your body learns that this behavior equals comfort.
Things that worked for me are English Toffee tea, wrapping in a cuddly blanket, massaging my hands, or a hot bath. Many people find hand massage useful in their workplace, because it's not obvious. Scents help, because they trigger the subconscious. You need to decide what can work for you, in your lifestyle, and then train your body to accept the action you've chosen as comfort.
It really takes training to get your body to associate other behaviors with comfort, so you have to keep doing it even though at first it doesn't work. If you eat for comfort, then do the behavior anyway so your body learns to associate the action with comfort. Usually it takes about six weeks to train a reaction.
I discovered something interesting in this process. I discovered that sometimes, when I was stressed, my subconscious would take over and seek comfort. The obvious clue to this is if you eat something, and you only realize you've eaten it afterwards. A person might decide to have a snack, and suddenly realize they've eaten a lot, and not really remember the actual eating. If you realize you're eating after you've eaten, that means you are not emotionally present when you are eating. It means you're in emotional shock, and your limbic system has kicked you into survival mode, and food is the programmed response.
How can you stop something you're not aware of doing? The key is in subtle signals that you're going into limbic mode. I'll share a technique I use with some patients. Please do not do this alone, because you can go into shock, and you may need help coming out of it.
Read all the directions before trying this, and please don't do it alone. Close your eyes and pretend you cannot breathe. Keep breathing, but imagine that you can't breathe. You can imagine you're under water, gagged, or in space, anything that creates the illusion you can't breathe. Pay attention to your body and how it is reacting. Most people experience tightness in their chest and tightness at the base of the skull. Pay attention to what happens in your body. It may be tingling in your fingers, stress in your throat, chill, or any physical sensation. It may be strong or subtle. As soon as you are aware of the sensations, take deep breaths and reassure yourself that you are breathing and you are safe. Keep reassuring yourself until your body is calmed and you can relax. It's very important to release that stress from your body, so take the time to do it completely.
Now you have a set of signals, physical signals, that your body is going into shock. More training is required to teach yourself to recognize those signals when they occur and immediately act to comfort yourself. If none of the behaviors you're trying to use as comfort work, do use food, but also do the behavior. It takes time for your body to learn to accept comfort from the new behavior. Remember, you've been doing it the food way your entire life.
Next month I'll tell you other things I learned in the process of losing weight.
This research has evolved into the Mind Over Weight Weekend Workshop.
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