My Diet Experience by Sandie McArdle
Over the years, my journey trying to find a healthy, slim body has bumped up against so many kinds of diets I have lost count. I have spend oodles of money trying to be the weight I thought I “should be” and have countless books telling me what, when, how and why to eat. I've spent a fortune on "cures." The result: I am as heavy as I was with my first born child but with a lot more fat than muscle. And, of course, psychologically I have felt shame as though it is I who am a failure, the depths of despair, self-loathing and self-hate. I built a wall of fat around me so those who are in my world couldn't see my pain.
I have learned that my unconscious disconnection with my body and its hunger signals began in the womb where there were not enough nutrients for me to survive. I was the last child in four years with siblings only 11 months and 2 and 4 years older than me. As was in fashion for babies of the time, I was fed every four hours, furthering my disconnect from the hunger cues my body was sending me. My first "conscious" diet was when I was 12 years old and I joined a meeting-style weight loss program. I still remember the "what's she doing here" comments I received as I walked into that room. I remember portion control, food groups and such. I also remember eating liver smothered in mustard, and how bad it tasted. More disconnect from my hunger cues. I realized in hindsight that outside influences have decided when I am hungry and what I need to eat.
Last year I called Patricia Wall. I had been reading her articles in Tone Magazine and thought perhaps she was the one who could help. What was there to lose? A pound or two would be good. I started with the Mind Over Weight Weekend Workshop, and continued my work through private sessions and the monthly workshops that are available to people who have attended a weekend workshop. I have learned tools that I can use to help me shed these unwanted and unhealthy pounds.
Trish teaches so many tools helping me understand why my body was holding on to weight and what I could do to change that. I have learned basic theory about how the body operates and why it chooses to keep fat. As I learn to use these tools, I have choice and can change how I comfort myself and change the belief system that no longer works for me. I am learning not to react to situations and emotions that used to cause me problems. Yahoo for that!! With this work, I feel empowered, positive and know I can learn to respond to body hunger cues rather than someone or something outside of me or from my past.
I love this work and I am so grateful for Trish and her guidance. I'm not there yet, but I am so much further than I ever thought I would be at this time. It's now up to me and I like that.
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